Kill The Person Above You

Drowns you with...the Ocean.

Stabs you with a Variares

Tells Santa all I want for Christmas, is you dead.
You're walking home one night, and out of nowhere you're ran down by a sleigh. Santa hops out, sees you're still breathing, shoves candy canes in your eyeballs, and rotates the canes around roughly to damage your brain.
After that he pulls out a large bowie knife from his seat in the sleigh, he uses said knife to peel the skin off your face halfway, and leaves it attached a little above the nose. A large reindeer approaches then and he begins to nibble away at your hanging face. He occasionally jerks his head back and it tears your skin more a little each time.
Finally the deer manages to eat the last of your face and returns to it's position. Santa then pours hot apple cider on your exposed tissue, and fills your mouth up completely with gingerbread cookies, to the point where you couldn't open it any further.

He tears off your arms with his superhuman strength and leaves you there in the freezing-cold street, after you hear him shout out a "MEEEERRY CHRISTMAS".

Well I typed it at least.

I knock you unconscious and harvest your lungs.